Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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