1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
