The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize