that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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