Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
