next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Acid is not a monday night drug
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
