He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
even my farts smell like vagina
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
