U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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