WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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