is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
