it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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