i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
