you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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