there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.