The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
