He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
