Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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