There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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