if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
