i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
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I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
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Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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