This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
