Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
