I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
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Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
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At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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