honey bunches of taint.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
