Pappa wants mamma naked
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.