i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
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Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
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Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.