New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'