I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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