He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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