mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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