We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
