A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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