And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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