i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
