well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
