you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize