Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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