i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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