i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We left the knife in your bed.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
