i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
