he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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