I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
