I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
