the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
