I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
where are my eyebrows?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
