are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
