I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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