ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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