Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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