3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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