her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
