6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
