Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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