So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
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Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
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No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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