Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
there is glitter all over my balls
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