Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
