oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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