You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
