i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
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I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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