i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
