and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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