sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
