Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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