dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
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I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
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I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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