I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
