Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
