Girls should come with a carfax report
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
